


weight of it all

by azneara



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AU, Coffee Shop, Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, also i tried incorporating quotes and stuff?, but i tried!, but idk if i took it too far, honestly andrew is a little ooc which sucks :/, if so pls tell me!!!, mostly - Freeform, neil is too cute im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 18:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7982344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azneara/pseuds/azneara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the first time Andrew meets Neil he is not Neil. he has black hair and his eyes are green and his name is lost to the rumble of chatter in the coffee shop.</p><p>the boy with the ever changing face and the boy with the face that never changes have nothing in common. except they do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	weight of it all

**Author's Note:**

> another coffee shop au no one asked for. slow burn andreil, hope you all enjoy! andrew might be a little ooc in which case im very sorry!

The first time Andrew meets Neil he is not Neil. He has black hair and his eyes are green and his name is lost to the rumble of chatter in the morning rush of the coffee shop. Andrew elects to not comment on the fact the boy’s hands are shaking slightly and the way he stands so lightly on his toes as though he is ready to flee at any given moment, Despite this Andrew is acutely aware of the fact a word akin to beautiful might be accurate in describing the boy. Instead of speaking he hands over the cup of black coffee and change with his usual lack of fervour. The boy nods his head in thanks before darting out of the shop in an instant. Having worked at the student union run coffee shop on the Palmetto campus for almost a year Andrew has seen many faces come through the doors and has learnt that none of them are worth paying attention to. He has also learnt that statement may have just found an exception.

 

Andrew doesn’t like a lot of things. Andrew also doesn’t dislike a lot of things. Apathy was an emotion he felt more than any other, so the bitter burn of curiosity he felt about the boy who’d come into the café last week was vexing him. Andrew considered for a moment that he hates the fact this boy who he knows nothing about has caused him to feel anything.

 

The next time he meets Neil it is 3 months later and he is still not Neil. He is Alex, with close-cropped blonde hair and unflinching brown eyes. Andrew notes that the boy whose appearance changes interests him to a degree- more than the other stressed looking students who flood the café to get their caffeine fix daily. This time Nicky is behind the counter serving customers and Andrew is simply making the drinks having had a particularly aggressive encounter with a customer he day before.  
“Well hi there handsome” Nicky drawls grinning at Neil with raised eyebrows. “What can I get a pretty face like yours today?” He asks, seemingly unaware of the way boy has started flicking his eyes to the exit of the shop as though coming in was a bad decision.  
“Medium black coffee” He mutters, voice passive despite the glint in his eye.  
“And can I get a name to go with that?” Enquires Nicky in a tone of voice flirty enough that one could be easily forgiven for thinking he was not in fact in a committed long-term relationship.  
“Alex.” Neil replies continuing to stare at the Formica tabletop as though it contained the secrets of the universe. Andrew notices the boy seems slightly more comfortable than he had the last time he had been here, and wonders how much of a part the totally new appearance has to do with that. Had Andrew not paid nearly as much attention as he had last time, he thinks he would not have realised it was the same boy as before.  
When the boy walks over to a table and sits down Andrew is momentarily pleased, before crushing the emotion as quickly as it had come. He decides in a moment of cruelty to speak to the boy as revenge for having made him feel this way. At least now he may be able to answer some of the questions in his head. He walks over to the table placing the mug on the table carefully contemplating what to say.  
“Next time you pick a fake name you might want something a little more convincing” He says looking down into the boys eyes. When the colour drains from his face Andrew decides he said the correct thing.  
“I’ll keep that in mind” The boy says his voice far more slow and calculated than Amdrew would have been expected based on his reaction to the comment. He slowly raises one eyebrow at him before returning to his station behind the counter.

 

Andrew hates the morning shift least as far as things go. Between three and seven the number of customers is few and far between and none of the others want to be awake at what Nicky refers to as an "ungodly" hour, so he is left to his own thoughts. It is 5am, the shop is empty and Neil comes in for the third time. Andrew gives his newly auburn hair a questioning look before turning around to start pouring the coffee.  
“Abram” says the boy; his voice stronger than Andrew’s heard it before. He turns around, coffee in hand and takes in the boy’s appearance. Black running shorts, a baggy black T-shirt and under eyes nearly as dark as his clothes. Andrew looks at the how Neil’s hair curls at the ends and sticks to his sweat damp skin and frowns at the fact he is still some kind of beautiful.  
“Is there a reason you’re up at dawn sweat drenched and looking like you’ve been up all night?” He asks as scathingly as he can manage. Neil looks at him through his lashes and shrugs,  
“Couldn’t sleep,” he answers, “Running helps me clear my head”.  
Potentially due to the fact the shop is empty and potentially for reasons unknown to Andrew the boy sits at a table facing him with space for another person. Neil looks at him and closes his eyes for a moment before opening his mouth to speak.  
“This is the longest I’ve ever been in one place,” He begins, his tone of voice mildly acquiescent. Andrew takes the opportunity to sit in the chair left open to him before Neil continues. “Growing up involved moving around on what was almost a weekly basis at times, a new name and a new face for each small town we visited. All of this? School, friends, classes and Exy, It’s a lot to take in and the habit of reinventing myself so often is hard to break.” Neil says, tipping back in his chair, hands linked behind his neck. “Abram is the only name that has always been constant,” Andrew blinks for a moment trying to adjust to the seemingly random flood of information. If he’d been curious about the boy who’s appearance changed so drastically, and who’s mannerisms suggested so much mystery before, then the feeling overwhelming him now was the need for more, so he stands and pours Neil another cup of coffee before returning to the seat and gesturing for him to continue.

 

After that Andrew stops counting how many times they have met, as a precedent seems to have been set and a routine formed. When Andrew has the morning shift, which is most days, Neil will come in looking exhausted from running and down a glass of water before sitting in the same seat with his black coffee and telling Andrew about his life, to which he rarely gets any response save for another cup being poured. Once customers start coming in, he will say thank you, smile and leave, his eyes downcast. Eventually he requests to be called Neil, and explains that he is legally changing his name in an attempt to curb his irrational desire to run, in an attempt to be someone and something for once. And eventually Andrew will start to tell him his own story, and Neil will extend the same courtesy and stay quiet, the only sign of his emotions the glint in his eyes. They learn they maybe aren't as different as they appear on initial observance and neither of them bring it up.

 

After near to six weeks of this Andrew is surprised to see Neil coming in to the café in the afternoon, but that isn’t the most confusing part of the event. He walks in with Allison; a girl famous on campus for being extraordinarily rich, and with a tongue sharp enough to cut; and instead of his usual dark unremarkable attire he’s wearing a slightly oversized pastel pink sweater. Andrew brings their drinks over to the table with his usual blank stare but greets Neil with a grumbled “Josten,” before allowing Neil to explain the slightly unconventional situation. Unfortunately he doesn’t get a chance as Allison speaks up herself,  
“Stop looking like you’ve been sucking a lemon,” She chides. “I was sick of his drab appearance when he’s clearly got a lot going for him and figured if he wasn’t going to start dressing acceptably I’d have to make him do it myself”. Neil looked down and seemingly blushes before looking at Andrew, a silent question of “What do you think?” going unspoken between them.  
“You’re testing my patience Neil - 91%” He replies turning away from the table to return to his station at the counter. The pink suits Neil, especially now he's ditched the endless coloured contacts and hair dyes. Andrew watches as Allison chatters to Neil and carefully observes the easy smile on his face as she speaks. If he hadn’t been aware of the fact Neil didn’t swing it would have been all too easy to mistake them for a couple. It infuriates Andrew that Neil looks so soft and fragile sitting there with pink cheeks, the sleeves of his jumper pulled over his hands. Andrew can't stand how pretty Neil looks with the golden autumn sunshine shining onto him through the window. When he brings them the bill he ignores Allison’s comments about the fact they’ve only been charged for one drink, and fails to ignore the way Neil’s eyes light up and twinkle as he notices the receipt himself. He isn't doing it out of niceness, he attempts to persuade himself. He does it to piss Allison off and not because he likes it when Neil smiles like that.

 

Sitting in Eden’s twilight with Nicky, Aaron and Kevin, Andrew contemplates what he understands about Neil. Sharing so much about yourself with someone is not something Andrew has ever done before, and he knows Neil is much the same. Having promised to keep Neil protected as long as he need, he is incredibly surprised to see Nicky stand and yell  
“It’s the pretty boy from the café, Whassis name, Alex!” at the now familiar auburn head standing near the bar with a tall boy with dark hair and a pretty girl holding onto him. Neil doesn’t seem to have noticed, and Andrew sighs at his cousin’s antics.  
“It’s Neil Nicky, not Alex”. Watching Neil in this new environment ignites an uncomfortable heat in Andrew’s belly, one that makes his skin itch and his mind frantic. Neil sips comfortably at his sprite as his friends down shots before laughing raucously and dragging him onto the dance floor. The coloured lights are flashing and the music is too loud. Downing his own shot Andrew stands and slips out the backdoor for a moment of reprieve from the boisterousness of his peers and more importantly the thoughts weighing heavily on his mind. He lights a cigarette and lets the rain dampen his cheeks as he inhales deeply. The silence of not telling anyone about cutting himself off from his medication has been too heavy to bear and the lack of fog in his mind that prevents him from feeling has left him too open, too vulnerable.  
“Hey,” whispers a familiar voice beside him. He opens his eyes to see Neil leaning on the wall behind him. His skin is flushed, a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead from the heat of the dance floor. Up close Andrew can see someone seems to have applied eyeliner around Neil’s eyes causing the already piercing blue to take on an all-new intensity. Andrew shivers, and not for the cold, before offering out a cigarette to the boy. They stand in stillness as they smoke and after a few minutes Neil breaks the silence,  
“I didn’t know you knew Kevin,” He says, a curious smile on his lips. “He’s on our Exy team, same as Matt and Dan, the couple I was with earlier”. Andrew realises Neil had spotted them at their table earlier, and tries to ignore the fact it makes his heart rate pick up slightly.  
“Kevin and I met a few years back when he tried to recruit me to play. Needless to say he failed, but he somehow convinced Aaron to play. In exchange for keeping Aaron away from drugs, I look after Kevin and make sure nothing happens to him,” Andrew replies, turning his body to face Neil. The lack of distance between them surprises him, and he can feel Neil’s warm breath on his face. The silence is deafening, as the door to the club is thick enough that the pounding bass doesn’t escape the confines of the room. Neil has such long eyelashes, observes Andrew, and he absentmindedly reaches out to brush one of Neil’s cheek. He only realises too late, when Neil’s breath catches in his throat that this is probably more intimacy than Neil has experienced in a long long time.  
“Yes or no?” Andrew asks, desperately trying to keep his face and voice impassive.  
“Yes,” Neil murmurs, and Andrew leans in to kiss him. He tastes like cigarettes and the artificial sweetener of the lemonade, he smells of sweat and soap, and his skin is so painfully soft under Andrew’s fingers, it all makes Andrew's blood boil. He kisses Neil in anger, with violence and rage at all the things he has been forced to feel over the last few months, and Neil stands there and takes it, pressing back with almost as much force, hands wedged deeply into his pockets.  
“Fuck you Josten,” Andrew growls. “Fuck you,” He spits again as he steps back with shaking hands. His heart is pounding in his chest, the blood roaring in his ears. Andrew hasn’t felt this alive in years, not since before the endless haze of medication, and he remembers now why feeling anything is so dangerous. Neil looks him in the eye and moves into the space Andrew has just vacated before softly pressing his lips to Andrew’s once more. They kiss on and off, the silences punctuated by harsh words from Andrew. They stand there together for seconds, minutes, what feels like hours. The rain has soaked into their skin, chilling their fingertips and drowning their clothes.  
“Don’t look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren’t mine” He snarls tangling his hand into the soft silky hair at the back of Neil’s neck. “ I am not here to fix you, to solve your problems.” Neil looks down at him through his eyelashes and nods once.  
“I’m not looking for an answer I just want- I’m tired of being nothing” Neil mutters gesturing helplessly at the ground.  
“I hate you,”  
“Nine percent of the time you don’t”  
“Nine percent of the time I don’t want to kill you. I always hate you”  
And with that Andrew turns on his heel and walks back into the club, knowing Neil is no more than two steps behind. Knowing Neil will is never going to be anywhere but at his back.

**Author's Note:**

> this is all in present tense for some reason and i swear to god there is nothing i hate more than not writing in past tense. also i know that i've edited the way the drugs work and switched it but it didn't work as well normally? so ik andrew is manic on drugs and a flat line when not but it just had a better flow if it was the other way around so v v v sorry, anyway pls leave any feedback you have!


End file.
